Grace Like An Ocean

Tags

Christianity, Dating, Grace

Last year I read the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris. This book discusses dating and relationships and what it means to fully submit your love life to God. My perspective on dating changed greatly after reading this book. Written in the perspective of a 21-year-old male, it’s hard hitting and completely honest. Of the many great chapters in this book, one stood out to me the most. This chapter was on Grace. Because it moved me so much, I figured that I would share a part of it with you. May it be a blessing.

 

The Room 

“In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “Girls I Have Liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I Have Betrayed.”

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. “Books I Have Read,” “Lies I Have Told,” “Comfort I Have Given,” “Jokes I Have Laughed At.” Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: “Things I’ve Yelled at My Brothers.” Others I couldn’t laugh at: “Things I Have Done in My Anger,” “Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.” I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 20 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked “Songs I Have Listened To,” I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked “Lustful Thoughts,” I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: “No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!” In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore “People I Have Shared the Gospel With.” The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.

I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

“No!” I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was “No, no,” as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, “It is finished.”

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.”

By Joshua Harris. Orginally published in New Attitude Magazine. Copyright New Attitude, 1995. 

 

If you were moved by this as much as I was, please give the book a read. It’s definitely a game changer.

 

Til next time.

-Kimberly

 

 

Beware of Christians

Tags

bewareofchristians, Christianity, college, identity, Relationships

A couple of months ago, I came across a movie at Family Christian bookstore. This movie was called “Beware of Christians” It instantly caught my eye and I began to read the back of it.

“Four college students leave their routine Christian lives in the U.S. in a quest to find what it really means to be a follower of Jesus.”

It was instantly relatable to me, considering I am also in college. A lot of people may be turned off or maybe even offended by the title of this movie, however if you actually stop and think about it, the haze clears and things begin to come full circle. Christians, myself included, always have issues with following our own paths versus the one that Jesus has already laid out for us. We tend to live one way and believe another.

Within the first five minutes of the documentary, I was already convicted by a quote that was featured by Brennan Manning. “The single greatest cause of Atheism today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and deny Him by their lifestyle.” So many people today are turned off by the stereotypical Christian who lives one way during the week and another on Sunday. Being a Christian isn’t a one-day-a-week thing. It’s a 24/7 365 deal. Jesus gave His life for us, and then we get frustrated when our lives get interrupted. What we fail to realize is that our lives are but a mist and are quickly fleeting; Jesus is the only constant.

This movie covers a few of the biggest struggles that Christians face everyday, of which include: identity, materialism, sex/relationships, church, wealth/poverty, media/entertainment, and alcohol.

When the guys began talking about identity it was like a slap in the face. They interviewed multiple people and asked them each if they had Christian friends and if they replied with yes, they then asked “what sets them apart from all of your other friends?” One of the people said that the only difference is that “they” are busy on Sundays. That statement hit me. I never want to be classified as a Christian only because I’m busy on Sundays. I want to be known as a Christian who is strong in their faith. I want to be set apart from everyone else because Jesus Christ died for my sins and I have been forgiven and made new.

Another thing that really affected me was the subject of materialism. The guys were in Rome when they covered this topic. While there, they saw a concept car pull up and people began to crowd around the car and take photos. Although the person wasn’t a celebrity, people treated him as if he was. The guys proceeded to interview some of the people asking “what would you give up to have this car?” The answers were quite disappointing. One replied with “my family and friends”, another with “everything” and yet another with “my left leg”. It’s crazy to think that people would sacrifice that which cannot be replaced for something so temporary and fleeting. Could you imagine if we would sacrifice this much for God? The thing is, we are supposed to. In Matthew 16:24-25, it states: “Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” As stated in these verses we are to take up are cross and follow God. If we surrender our life to Him, we will find life, but if we decide to stick to our old ways, we will lose it. It continues in verse 26 by stating “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” If we have all of these possessions and earthly things, but lose ourselves in it, then what good are they? If our hearts are focused on God then there will be no room for worldly possessions to possess us. As Matthew 6:21 states, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

Furthermore yet another topic that convicted me was the topic on relationships. This has been a struggle of mine recently. One of the discussions really opened my eyes. This discussion was about where we get our advice from. One of the guys, Michael, made a statement that stuck with me. “When we were in high school, who did we get our advice from? High schoolers. And it’s the same for college. Why weren’t we asking older people? Those who have experienced it. When I did talk to them, I realized that none of them said “Oh, I wish I would have dated more people.” or “I wish I would have kissed more people.” Everyone says, “I wish I would have waited more.”" Even in my own experience and everyone I talk to, this rings true. We tend to get caught up in the moment and the possible effects of our actions dissolve. Thus, leaving us with regret.

Overall, this is a fantastic movie. I was able to take so much from this movie and apply it to my life. Also, there are so many different viewpoints in the movie, adding depth. It is awesome to watch four college students travel across the world speaking to multiple people about Jesus. It definitely puts things in perspective. So take a trip to your local Family Christian bookstore, or even to Netflix, and check it out!

Til Next Time

-Kimberly

Agape

Tags

Agape, Christianity, Love

“The most spectacular, indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone.” This is the definition of Love according to urban dictionary. Love is something that society has twisted the meaning of for quite some time.

When we think of love, we automatically think of someone or something. We love our parents. We love our friends. We love our car. We love our dog. But the thing is, love is not an emotion, it’s an action.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8(ESV) it states that: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,endures all things. Love never ends…

Love is, God giving His son to cover our sins.

Love is, Jesus dying for our sins.

Love is not, just something that we fall into.

We choose love.

As Christians we are called to share agape love, a love that is selfless, unconditional and unwavering. However, worldly values sometimes overshadow agape love and turn it into conditional fleeting love. We love our friends, but the moment that they do something to hurt us, that love alters or fades out completely.

We must learn how to love one another like Christ loved us. Constantly offering second chances to others and obeying the 70×70 rule in Matthew 18:22(KJV) “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”

Needless to say, we should always be forgiving. Regardless of how bad someone has hurt us. We must share the same love that God has shared with us. The love that requires effort and action. More importantly, the love that has given us multiple second chances.

 

Til next time.

-Kimberly

Contentedness

I was reading a devotional this evening and came across Hebrews 13:5 “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” This verse really convicted me. Here I am always wanting something new, currently it’s a new camera. When in reality I should be thankful that I am fortunate enough to have a camera. God is speaking directly to you and I in this verse saying, “be grateful for what you have. I am with you and always will be.” Sometimes, if we are not careful this world will consume us. We must constantly be seeking God and yearning for his blessings in everything. If we neglect to involve God in a particular part or aspect of our lives, usually it’s because deep down we know that it is not satisfying God but, instead our flesh. As the holidays grow nearer, take a moment to thank God for what He has already blessed you with and be content with what you have. Remember it is the season of giving. Be a blessing to someone in need.

-Kimberly

Caught in the Middle

Starting my senior year of college, I thought would be quite easy. I mean I had already made it up the hill, now it’s smooth sailing right? Not quite. Right as school started, I moved out and into an apartment. Now of course, moving into an apartment should be great and it is, but there are things that I left behind. Things that quite frankly I wish that I wouldn’t have.

Before moving, I was incredibly blessed to be living with a Christian family. They were some of the nicest and most genuine people that I have ever met. Always having that foundation was the best thing that I have experienced in a long time. Being able to always have someone to help me with the curveballs that life threw my way has helped me grow in my faith and become the person that I am.

However when you move into a new environment and leave those things behind, things begin to crumble. Rather quickly actually. And I’m going to be completely honest, this post is difficult for me to write, so bear with me. Not having that foundation and constant accountability, has caused me to be the “typical Christian” that people despise.

It started with my job going downhill after I moved. I began to to scheduled outside of my availability, thus causing me to miss two weeks in a row of church. Although it doesn’t seem like a lot, trust me it carries a weight. I began to feel empty, as if something inside of me was missing. That someone was Jesus Christ. When we take our eyes off of God for even just a few short moments, our motives, our beliefs, our devotion, everything connected, seems to crumble. When this happens we become selfish and began to live for ourselves and for man’s approval–leaving God hanging on the sidelines.

Pride had taken over. I was more focused on how I was doing in school and about my job than I was to open my bible for my devotionals or even pick up a Christian book. As if I was in control of my life and that I planned out every detail according to my will. Who was I trying to fool?

This worked for a little while. I would tell myself, “Well I’m just really busy with school, God understands.” or “Well I have to keep my job. I have to have money.” But the thing is God didn’t send His only son to die on the cross,  to only be a part of our lives. God gave His only son so that he could be our lives. It’s all or nothing with God, no “in betweens”. As 2 Corinthians 5:15 states “And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them and rose again.”

This finally hit me the other day. After becoming quite upset about some opposition that wouldn’t even matter in 10 years more less the next day, I realized that I was caring more about what someone,  who I would probably never see after next year, than what God thought about me.  When all in all the only one of whom I shall seek approval from is Jesus Christ. No one else can fulfill our lives the way that God does. By seeking the approval of something or someone else, we offend God.

As Mark 8:6 states “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?”

Although it is incredibly easy to get wrapped up in worldly things, we must never forget the fact that without God’s love we are empty.

Treading Through Rushing Waters

And there he was…tall dark and handsome, brown hair, blue eyes, a tattoo, and a motorcycle. Could a girl ask for anything more? Well that became problematic quickly. After a few minutes of conversation and sly jokes, my interest was piqued. However, there was one problem…this “perfect guy” was not a Christian.

It’s been a year since I have actually had an interest in someone. After letting a guy hurt me that I wasn’t even dating, I decided that rather than try and find “the one” myself, that I would surrender my love life to God. After all He is the one in control, not I. I had read multiple books on dating and relationships and had for once in my life had a clear perspective. I finally realized that I shouldn’t be out looking for “the one” but instead be focusing on my relationship with Jesus Christ and preparing myself for my special someone.

However, all of these seemed to change within a few days. I met a boy who showed interest and let’s be honest, was rather attractive as well. And there I was, back at square one. I instantly knew that this guy was not for me yet something in me told me that it was okay and that I should just give it a chance. I found myself lowering my standards and letting his many flaws slip by me. He seemed nice and interesting so that seemed to be all that I needed. After about a week spent together, I felt as if I was in too deep. I began to find myself explaining to my friends why it would be okay that I dated him. But honestly I was creating false hope in my head. I knew that I was treading into rushing waters.

As 2 Corinthians 6:14 states: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” Basically it’s not a good idea to start a relationship with someone who does not share the same beliefs and values as you do. Being in a relationship with someone like that can be one of the most difficult things that you will ever do. It’s like being in a game where one person is to play by the rulebook while the other is free to do whatever they choose. Not a very successful game, if I do say so myself. In this relationship you will be tempted to lower your standards and lessen your beliefs to find yourself more appealing. As girls, we tend to fall for a guy if he shows us the tiniest bit of attention and interest. Then we tend to mold ourselves into his “dream girl”, waiting and hoping that he will notice.

When we first notice that we are changing ourselves we should take a step back and look in the mirror. Although we may tend to focus on our flaws, there is someone who doesn’t view them as flaws and likes you just the way you are, that someone is Jesus Christ. We are made in God’s image, and when we doubt ourselves and try to change ourselves for some guy it’s as if we are placing what the guy thinks above what God thinks.

Now although it’s quite simple for me to type this and give advice, it is truly difficult when you are in the situation to turn away from a guy that you are interested in and have a fair amount of feelings for. But all in all, we must remember to guard our hearts. As Proverbs 4:23 states:

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Ladies, what I am really trying to say in all of this is, if you have to lower your standards or alter your beliefs for a guy, then he is truly not the one. When you find that special someone that you are going to spend the rest of your life with, he will be trying everything that he can to live up to your standards not to lower them. Until then we must protect our hearts from others who may distract us. When we have those first doubts, that should be our red flag and we should distance ourselves or take ourselves out of the situation. After all, we shouldn’t be spending all of our time focused on trying to impress a guy that may or may not be there for us tomorrow, we should spend all of our time focused on God, He who will be there for us through eternity.

Note: This is the most difficult post that I have written thus far, simply because I have been battling with this issue constantly since it has arose, and I am still battling with it. However, just writing this post and putting it out there for other people to read, and the thought that my struggles might be a light to someone else who may be going through the same thing… has helped me drastically. I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read this, it really means a lot. And if any of you ever need to talk to someone, I may not have the answers that you are looking for…but I am here for you.

Thanks for reading.

Til next time.

-Kim

Gaining Clarity

This post is probably one of the more difficult posts that I’ve written. When it comes to my most inner thoughts and feelings, I tend to be reclusive. But recently, I have been having battles with myself over the issue that every girl my age deals with, the yearning for marriage. With social media sites such as pinterest, where brides can be their own maid of honor and wedding planner, as well as the overwhelming fact that everyone that I know is rushing to the altar, I began to feel out-of-the-loop.

I hopped on the pinterest bandwagon and began planning my “wedding”. A couple months later and 90% of my pins are things for my future wedding. However the term wedding is somewhat problematic when you don’t have a fiance, more less a significant other. I was doing the mere thing that I didn’t want to do which is rush into things. When we try to plan our life, on our own, without God’s guidance and wisdom, things tend to fall apart.

I’ve never been the girl that desperately wanted to get married, I mean if someone would have asked me  when I was going to get married a year ago, I would have told them not for a long time. Over the years, marriage has been a foreign concept to me, mainly because my parents got divorced when I was 11 and I have developed a increased need for independence. However since a few months ago, I began to let the idea of marriage consume my thoughts. What were my wedding colors going to be? Outside or inside? Big or small? I was creating a false reality and setting my self up for disappointment. During this time, I began to read a book called “Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris. In the book Harris explains how to go about starting a courtship and what goes along with the territory. Honestly, when I bought the book it looked sort of cheesy, but since I have read a few of Harris’ other books, I figured that I would give it a shot.

Yesterday I finished the book and last few chapters spurred a sharp conviction within me. It explained that we become self-righteous when we begin to plan our lives to our own expectations and think that we can do it alone. It’s as if we are doubting God’s ability to lead us and work in our lives.

Being a new Christian, my story has just begun. There is plenty of time for God to bring that amazing person into my life. As Romans 8:28 states: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” God has already provided so much for us by dying on the cross; why do we doubt his ability to provide for our lesser needs? Although I may only see a few days, weeks, months, or years ahead, God sees eternity. My plans tend to fail from time-to-time, but I can find comfort in the fact that God’s plans never fail.

Waiting has never been a strength of mine, however I know that meeting “the one” will definitely be worth the wait. In the mean time, I have a few things in my life that I need to work out first. For instance, I need to grow further in my walk with God and strive to obey Him every moment. I need to prepare myself for my future husband and realize that marriage isn’t for our glory, it’s to glorify God. Last of all, I need to realize that my greatest need is not a spouse, but a strong and undying relationship with Jesus Christ.

Til next time.

-Kim

Discernment

For the past few months God has really been working on a particular part of my life. That part is my relationships with other people. Since I’ve been saved, I’ve really been struggling with who to let into my life and who to keep out. I found myself getting close to people and then finding out something about them that might not have been “Christian” and I would distance myself from them. 

I lied to myself saying that it was for the better and it’s what I needed to do. Was I ever wrong. One day I hit bottom. I had no one to talk to; I had lost my two oldest friends from high school and I was alone. During this time, I prayed everyday that God would give me the wisdom to know what to do in the situation and open myself up to more people. Each day I would meet more people but lose contact for what I thought was the better. This went on until a few weeks ago. I had hit bottom. I had finally realized what was in front of me the whole time. 

God didn’t send his only son to die for us, so that we could just befriend other Christians and cast-out all others. It’s because of God’s grace that we are here today and we must show others that same grace, regardless of what they have been through or what they choose to do in their personal lives. If we just hang out with and befriend other Christians we will not be able to reach the lost, which is defeating our purpose as disciples of Christ. 

All in all, I’ve realized that I need to be there for my friends regardless of their beliefs. Leviticus 19:18 states to love your neighbor as yourself and do not hold grudges. Something that I always try to think about is treating everyone as if they are Jesus Christ. Could you imagine how different our lives would be if we did that every time we talked to someone or met someone new? 

Even the slightest change of perspective can create a difference in the way you live your life. 

Til next time

-Kim 

Far From Perfect

Lately, I’ve been reading through the book of Joshua and I’ve been wanting to write a post regarding a particular part that stood out to me.

In chapter two, Joshua sent two spies to spy on the town of Jericho. While on the lookout, the spies were directed to stay at a particular house. This house was not just any house, it was the house of a harlot. A harlot named Rahab. God directed the spies to Rahab’s house, because He knew that her heart was open to Him and that she could contribute to the victory over Jericho.

This undertaking of Rahab, was a great risk. Housing spies wasn’t really approved of. This example of Rahab is just one of the many examples of God’s grace in the Bible. Although, Rahab was far from perfect, God used her to fulfill His great purposes. Regardless of your past, God has a way of using people of simple faith and creating miracles from them. Something that set Rahab away from others was the fact that she risked everything for a God that she barely knew.

“God does not demand that our judgement be perfect in all situations. He simply asks us to put our trust in Him and do the best we know how”

Til next time.

-Kim

Long Time, No Thoughts.

Okay, so I just noticed how long it has been since I have actually posted a full entry. Over two months. Far too long.

I guess a lot has happened since then. I am currently finishing up my final quarter of my junior quarter, well actually my college career. I made it past the first two rounds of the RA process and I am now in the RA class. It’s only been a few weeks but I have already learned so much about who I am. 

I am also in a class called columns and reviews and my professor is crazy, but awesome. Our first assignment required us to write our own obituary. Yep. That was as creepy as it sounds. Long story short, I will not be visiting Morocco anytime soon. 

Let’s see…oh yeah, a few weeks ago I went an entire day without shoes for TOMS One Day Without Shoes. It was quite humbling. My perspective changed from one day of walking about 8 hours on concrete. I was in pain at the end of the day, but that does not even compare to the children in other countries that don’t even have the privilege to walk on concrete; some even walk on landfills. Needless to say I will never put on my shoes without thinking about how blessed I am to have the opportunity to do so. 

Okay, well this is only a few things that I can think of, but I plan on keeping this updated weekly, so be prepared for the awesomness. Just kidding…but really.  

Til next time.