And there he was…tall dark and handsome, brown hair, blue eyes, a tattoo, and a motorcycle. Could a girl ask for anything more? Well that became problematic quickly. After a few minutes of conversation and sly jokes, my interest was piqued. However, there was one problem…this “perfect guy” was not a Christian.
It’s been a year since I have actually had an interest in someone. After letting a guy hurt me that I wasn’t even dating, I decided that rather than try and find “the one” myself, that I would surrender my love life to God. After all He is the one in control, not I. I had read multiple books on dating and relationships and had for once in my life had a clear perspective. I finally realized that I shouldn’t be out looking for “the one” but instead be focusing on my relationship with Jesus Christ and preparing myself for my special someone.
However, all of these seemed to change within a few days. I met a boy who showed interest and let’s be honest, was rather attractive as well. And there I was, back at square one. I instantly knew that this guy was not for me yet something in me told me that it was okay and that I should just give it a chance. I found myself lowering my standards and letting his many flaws slip by me. He seemed nice and interesting so that seemed to be all that I needed. After about a week spent together, I felt as if I was in too deep. I began to find myself explaining to my friends why it would be okay that I dated him. But honestly I was creating false hope in my head. I knew that I was treading into rushing waters.
As 2 Corinthians 6:14 states: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” Basically it’s not a good idea to start a relationship with someone who does not share the same beliefs and values as you do. Being in a relationship with someone like that can be one of the most difficult things that you will ever do. It’s like being in a game where one person is to play by the rulebook while the other is free to do whatever they choose. Not a very successful game, if I do say so myself. In this relationship you will be tempted to lower your standards and lessen your beliefs to find yourself more appealing. As girls, we tend to fall for a guy if he shows us the tiniest bit of attention and interest. Then we tend to mold ourselves into his “dream girl”, waiting and hoping that he will notice.
When we first notice that we are changing ourselves we should take a step back and look in the mirror. Although we may tend to focus on our flaws, there is someone who doesn’t view them as flaws and likes you just the way you are, that someone is Jesus Christ. We are made in God’s image, and when we doubt ourselves and try to change ourselves for some guy it’s as if we are placing what the guy thinks above what God thinks.
Now although it’s quite simple for me to type this and give advice, it is truly difficult when you are in the situation to turn away from a guy that you are interested in and have a fair amount of feelings for. But all in all, we must remember to guard our hearts. As Proverbs 4:23 states:
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Ladies, what I am really trying to say in all of this is, if you have to lower your standards or alter your beliefs for a guy, then he is truly not the one. When you find that special someone that you are going to spend the rest of your life with, he will be trying everything that he can to live up to your standards not to lower them. Until then we must protect our hearts from others who may distract us. When we have those first doubts, that should be our red flag and we should distance ourselves or take ourselves out of the situation. After all, we shouldn’t be spending all of our time focused on trying to impress a guy that may or may not be there for us tomorrow, we should spend all of our time focused on God, He who will be there for us through eternity.
Note: This is the most difficult post that I have written thus far, simply because I have been battling with this issue constantly since it has arose, and I am still battling with it. However, just writing this post and putting it out there for other people to read, and the thought that my struggles might be a light to someone else who may be going through the same thing… has helped me drastically. I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read this, it really means a lot. And if any of you ever need to talk to someone, I may not have the answers that you are looking for…but I am here for you.
Thanks for reading.
Til next time.